John Lennon in 2010

John Lennon would read Harry Potter.

He would then ask Sean to get him a torrent of “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.” He would then force Sean to drive him to a bookstore and scream out the twist ending to anger a lot of people. SNAPEKILLSDUMBELDORE

He would also be a Remus/Sirius shipper. 

He would try be friends with Dumbledore. 

And he would take a quiz to see which house he would be in; Slytherin. He would do it four times and get the same response. 

He would then do the other Beatles. 

Paul would be in Ravenclaw. 

George would be Gryffindor.

Ringo would be in Hufflepuff. 

And then he would make fun of everyone. Because he would support Slytherin. 

JOHN LENNON REFUSES TO USE SKYPE BECAUSE HE CANNOT UNDERSTAND TECHNOLOGY.

HIS CELLPHONE IS DYNATAC80000X BECAUSE HE IS A MOTHER FUCKING BAMF, 

SEAN WOULD GET HIM AN IPHONE AND JOHN WOULD EITHER A. LOSE IT, B. TOSS IT INTO THE TOILET, OR C. FIND WAYS TO BREAK IT.

John Lennon would go onto Slash Communities and RP communities and ship Paul/John with the occasional Paul/Sean.

He would then play as Paul and use terrible grammar. 

He would try to play as Sean, but then he would find out that he has little to nothing in common with him, so he would write as Paul. 

He would never roleplay as himself because he thinks he’s too good to write himself. 

He woulda played free bird with ‘em on the last episode.

On the Daily Show, Jon Stewart is doing a bit on drug legalization. “And now, Chief Drug Expert John Lennon is here to shed some light on the subject…”

And John’d show up, he’d be wearing a bad suit, like the news does, and he’d be all, “Jon. Drugs are bad.” And Jon’d be all, “…what, wait, aren’t you JOHN LENNON? Shouldn’t you be all for drugs?” And John’d do a whole big thing, all Daily Show satirical like, about how drugs are bad but he’d be all sarcastic and stuff

On SNL, he’d show up and play Paul in a skit about the Beatles. And he’d be in Digital Shorts, because he’d quite enjoy Andy Samberg.

John would go on 30 Rock and guest as the washed-up musical act on TGS that week.

Ones that are more than 20 minutes long

And he’d do them at times when high schoolers weren’t in school

Because John knows most of his fans who would go on and watch his livechat would be at school

Or he’d do them at the same time as Paul’s livechats

“ME OR PAUL, EVERYONE. CHOOSE NOW. I WILL KNOW. JOHN LENNON SEES ALL.”

About the Beatles

and all the weird twisted shit they did with groupies and how controlling Paul was and how they made fun of George all the time and how high they were like ALL THE TIME and how UNDER APPRECIATED RINGO WAS 

Even if it wasn’t all true or anything

And then he’d go on Oprah and talk about it and Paul and Linda would be all “:| DAMMIT JOHN.”  And George would be all “ffff -goes back to gardening” and Ringo would be all OH LOL JAWN

But he’d get away with it because he’s John Fucking Lennon

Like Tyson in the Hangover

But with more punching and swearing and tigers maybe

But he’d play the drums

and he’d invite Ringo over to play Beatles Rock Band with him

and make Ringo play the guitar

Just to pwn him so hard.